OPEC Cut Production By 2 Million B/D? If Only There Was Some Province With An Abundance Of Oil...
From: The God of Green Energy,
Dearest Prime Minister Trudeau and President Biden,
My obedient servants—the obnoxious actor and senile fool—you have played your part to perfection. Press forward.
Today is significant as OPEC cut oil production by another 2 million barrels/day. We must move quickly. Use this announcement as a scapegoat to further the country's transition to green energy. Even Bernie Sanders, that faithful and blind disciple of mine (the blind disciples are always the most faithful), has already said,
You would be wise to follow his example.
Do not let your citizens know of the full gravity of the situation just yet. I am speaking specifically to you, Mr. Biden. Do not let the people know how severe this impending energy crisis is until they're suffering in their homes. That way, they won’t have the time or care to protest because they’ll be too busy trying to keep their child from going hungry or cold--just ask your neighbours in the European kingdoms.
Mr. Trudeau, you must not allow Alberta to open up their oil. You must not allow them to fully produce, and you must not allow them to ship their oil in the capacity they (and the Americans) want. You must understand the Albertans and their prodigious oilsands are a serious threat to my empire. They are, perhaps, the most serious threat to my plan in the western world. While they produce, I cannot conquer. As you well know, they have the 4th (perhaps 3rd) largest proven oil reserves in the world. If the full might of their oil is ever unleashed, my campaign will fail.
Therefore, keep Alberta in the dark. Their capacity for production is astonishing, and their ability to work is incredible. As such, both of you must guarantee that Alberta will stay locked up and frustrated.
Ensure pipelines remain cancelled, and increase gasoline taxes and regulations. Your goal is to toss your nations into complete chaos and insecurity, for no one ever changes when things are secure; they only change when everything is insecure.
You know who I am. You sacrifice the people’s welfare and quality of life to me; you sacrifice their ease of life and technological innovations to me. You sacrifice their very lives to me. Well done, faithful servants. I cannot say the same for those who continue to champion the use of oil. Fear not, for you, lounging on your private jets, will escape the wrath to come.
So rejoice, and make way, for I—the God of Green Energy—am here...But I fear my punishment, cutting off all oil, gas, power, and heat, for those who do not conform to my commands are very dark, and very dire.
The God of Green Energy,
Making everything on the Earth cold as ice, while writing from Hell, where everything is searing hot.
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